It took place in 1929, during Prohibition, an era when mobsters were
        larger than life. Gangland's bullets barked -- might as well use the lingo of
        that day -- when Al Capone's boys, posing as Chicago cops, lined up
        members of the Bugs Moran gang in a garage and rat-a-tat-tatted seven
        men to an early grave. 

        They became the stuff of legend that Valentine's Day. 

        Now? The best gangsters we seem able to come up with are jailed losers
        like the well-groomed John J. Gotti and Vincent Gigante, who wandered
        around in bathrobe and pajamas. The Dapper Don and the Dippy Don.
        This is progress? 

        Even in the world of the fictional mob, the situation is less than
        encouraging. 

        "The Godfather" was on television again the other night. As ever, it
        opened with Don Corleone in a tuxedo, the image of a self-assured man
        of power. 

        Then on Sunday night came the latest episode of "The Sopranos," the hot
        HBO show about a New Jersey mob family more dysfunctional than
        Somalia. A bigger collection of creeps you will be hard-pressed to find.
        That's supposed to be the point. This is the real Mafia, unappealing
        people with everyday issues to work out. 

        Boy, what a tumble we have taken from Vito Corleone to Tony
        Soprano. 

        These New Jersey clucks are such apes that you can almost see carpet
        burns on their knuckles. For them, formal wear means a clean T-shirt. At
        the table, they practically eat with their feet. If you eliminated their
        swearing, a 50-minute show would run half an hour. 

        And though they make a big deal of taking pride in their Italian heritage,
        they view Italy as a land of primitives. In Sunday's segment, Tony told his
        pal Paulie that a cousin would be arriving from Naples. "What, to see
        what indoor plumbin' looks like?" Paulie said. 

        It is no surprise some Italian-Americans are upset with the acclaim "The
        Sopranos" has received. 

        "Why are we always buffoons and bimbos?" said Emanuele Alfano, who
        heads a group called Italian/American One Voice Committee, based in
        New Jersey. But isn't "The Sopranos" at least skillfully done? Mr. Alfano
        was silent for long seconds. Then he said, "Would you say 'Mein Kampf'
        was fine if I called it well written?" 

        It troubles him that Italian-Americans are the brains behind the show.
        They are also among its boosters, like Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who
        lionized the cast of "The Sopranos" at City Hall not long ago. This is the
        same mayor who put up a slide projection of the Ten Commandments at
        City Hall recently. 

        SWOONING for Tony Soprano while proclaiming your love of the
        Decalogue is a neat trick. There is almost no commandment Tony has not
        broken. He has murdered, stolen, committed adultery, coveted other
        men's wives, borne false witness and taken the Lord's name in vain. As
        for honoring father and mother, this is someone who looked to have his
        mom killed. 

        Maybe the mayor would do better sticking to his well-worn Don
        Corleone imitations. They may not do much to enhance the
        Italian-American image, Mr. Alfano will tell you. But a man of Mr.
        Giuliani's stature should consort with a better class of criminals, worthy of
        a Valentine's Day legend.