Thursday,
July 12, 2007
It's My Fault Men Have More Sex Partners -
Jennifer Loviglio
The
ANNOTICO Report
The
only excuse I have to put this on an Italianate Site is the
author has an Italian Surname.
It
is however an amusing illustration about Men are from
Mars, Women are from Venus.
Yes,
there should be Equality of Dignity, But there is
a Difference, and Vive Le Difference!
This
article focuses around the Report that 30% of Men, but only 10% of women have more
than 15 sexual partners in their Lifetime.
This
author thought in going through her teen feminist period, this treble
discrepancy needed to be evened by her own personal efforts. :)
Huffington Post
Jennifer Loviglio
July 11, 2007
The news last
week struck me like a blow: 29 percent of men report having 15 or more female
sexual partners in a lifetime, while only nine percent of women report having
had sex with 15 or more men. This is all my fault.
Years ago, when I was just out of high school, I identified this grievous
inequity and had a chance to correct it. Would it work or would my first major
political act since voting for the first time, turn out to be, like voting,
kind of a letdown?
Raised by vocal
first-wave feminists in the '60s and '70s, I was not only expected to change
the world, I knew that I would. By the 1980s, when I was in my late teens,
however, I realized I hadn't done it yet. It wasn't enough that I had clomped
around in lumpen Earth shoes before anyone else,
choosing comfort over fashion. And it wasn't enough that I climbed higher, rode
farther and swore more than anyone else, proving that anything boys can do
girls can do better.
I was still too
young to be the first woman president, though I was well on my way, having
interned in my senior year of high school for a female state senator. What to
do in the meantime? I had long since ditched the ugly shoes and was looking to
exercise the power of my womanhood in other ways. Since the political was
personal -- or was it the personal was political? I was still a little fuzzy on
my feminist rhetoric -- I decided how I'd make my mark. Sexual
politics.
It bothered me
and my friend Amber that women slept around less and leaned more toward
monogamy than men. Men, it seemed to us, with our vast year or two of
experience between us, were generally promiscuous and careless about sexual
partners. This struck us as unfair. Not unfair in a whiny,
why-can't-men-be-faithful way, but rather unfair in that it was an
embarrassment to our nascent feminist ideals.
We knew we were
just as strong as men. Probably smarter. And we knew
we could do the same jobs. I knew this first-hand because every day I witnessed
my mother walking out the door to her job in the
competitive, male-dominated field of journalism, her navy clothes crisp and
asexual, a pseudo-tie wrapped around her neck.
Until I could
dress and act like a man the way women in the working world had to back then, I
would fuck like one. My friend and I set out to turn those shameful stereotypes
on their heads. We would sleep with lots of men and not only
not fall in love, but kick them right out of bed. No snuggling. None of
that sappy girl stuff.
Privately, I had
a few concerns. For one thing, sex wasn't always that fun for me on the first
or second time with a guy. I liked it better when we got to know each other and
could cuddle and get into a groove. Cuddle! God, Amber would kill me for even
thinking that word. Also, I was afraid of sexually transmitted diseases. I
thought that guys didn't care about that stuff, so I tried to ignore my fears.
And I bought some condoms.
Our game plan was
to find a guy, f-ck him -- the word "f-ck" back then was rare enough
to still be powerful with its ugly final consonant crack -- and get on the
floor and fall into a sound sleep. Our message: you might be good enough for
sex, mister, but I'd rather sleep on the floor than touch you any more than I
have to.
As far as
political statements go, this one looked much better on paper. In my first
attempt at post-coital dismissal, I dramatically up and left the guy's
apartment. Can't get any cooler and more detached than that, right? But somehow
it looked like I was storming off in a huff. Plus, the guy was married and had
been worried his wife would walk in on us. He was probably glad to be rid of
me.
Then Amber and I
went to
Wait a minute,
when did our experiment in callous promiscuity expand to include being callous
to each other? I was hurt and upset, but immediately checked myself. By feeling
betrayed, wasn't I exhibiting typically female traits?
"Yes, of
course," Amber said. "Guys pass women around. So we can, too."
In fact, as a gesture of her largesse, she'd let me be the first one to sleep
with the opaque German boy she'd been sharing cigarettes with.
I didn't take her
up on the offer and the grand political experiment ended there. At least, it
did for me. Amber kept fighting the good fight: having sex, sleeping on the
floor and moving on.
I now know that
it's not only okay to have love with intimacy, I prefer it that way. I know,
further, that men and women often do have biologically different responses to
sex. Finally, I know and feel confident saying that it's damn hard to fall
asleep on the floor, sex or no sex.
Though I know all
this, something small and defensive in me reacts when I think about the 29
percent of men who have slept with 15 or more women compared with only nine
percent of women who have slept with 15 or more men. It turns out that my inner
child is a feminist. Not just any feminist, but a first-wave feminist who was
taught and believed that men and women could be -- and should be -- equal in
every way. And that inner first-wave feminist is a bit embarrassed to admit I'm
not in the nine percent.
Award-winning
writer Jennifer Loviglio writes a column about sex, politics, family and
science in her local altweekly, City
Paper. She does humorous commentaries on the NPR affiliate WXXI and
writes about food for lifestyle magazines. She has reviewed films on the radio
and reported off-beat family activities on a television news program. Loviglio has written plays about history and science for
local museums and historical destinations. Her column, "The XX
Files," won first place in the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies
annual competition. You can read and hear more of her work at
www.jenniferloviglio.com.
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