Friday,
September 28
Things I've Learned Since
Living in Italy
The
ANNOTICO Report
These
observations are very amusing, insightful, yet not demeaning.
Things
I've learnt about
Emma
Bird
How
to
I
thought about what I've learnt over the various years of being in
In
a foreign country, you are the odd one out. No one needs you as they all have
their own busy lives and their own circle of friends. To make friends and
establish a life, you have to make the effort. You have to go out even when you
are tired.
You
have to get used to walking into rooms full of strangers where you don't know
anyone. And you have to start talking to people you never normally would talk
to. You have to talk without worrying about what's coming out of your mouth.
If you wait to speak the perfect sentence in Italian, you're not going to get
anywhere. Open your mouth, be prepared to be mortified by the words that come
out and get on with it. It's the only way to get fluent.
You
need to forget all the dining etiquette you've been brought up with,
especially if you're English and eat peas on the back of your fork. Italians
don't use knives. They use forks in the right hand and they eat peas as you
should do really - on the curved part. Oh, and don't put your hands in your lap
when you're not eating. It's not polite as it would be in the
You
have to say 'permesso' everytime
you enter someone's house or you go into a shop or an office and no one is in
the room. You can actually do this for every room you enter into to, if you
haven't actually been invited.
It
takes a long time to make friends with Italians. To you they are laidback,
gregarious and social creatures that made you fall in love with
Italians
act with an air of authority even though they have no idea whether or not that
is the case. This often happens in public office and the post office. Last week
I had to get the document to pay the ICI -
Italians
cannot go out to the beach and then out to dinner. They have to go home and
have a shower first even though they may be starving. This isn't a quick
5-minute shower either because you must dry your hair with a hairdryer before
you go out otherwise you will catch a cold even though it is a warm summer's
evening. If you all go out to the beach together and then they come back to
your house for dinner, you will end up providing clean towels for everyone to
have a shower before dinner and, of course, they must dry their hair. In
comparison, I'm a heathen Brit because I'm quite happy to have a shower once
they've gone while they give me strange looks because I'm having dinner without
having washed all that seasalt off my body first.
If
you are a Brit you are not allowed to give blood because you may
have Mad Cow Disease simmering away somewhere in your body. I can accept the
logic somehow, apart from the fact I'm vegetarian and therefore the slim
possibility of having KJD becomes even slimmer. The Italian health service
desperately needs blood donors but yet they turn down blood from healthy
people. If the British health system turned people down, they wouldn't have any
blood at all.
Italians
have a serious love of English words. So when you don't use the Italian, use the
English. But do make sure you use it in a convincing manner and not like you've
just forgotten the Italian. So throw in coffee
break...drink...management...meeting...holiday' and you'll be the epitome of
chic.
You
never ever go into a bar and wait to be served. You wait to catch the
waiter's eye and shout out your order. But coming out with a phrase like 'potrei avere un cappuccino per cortesia' (could I have a cappuccino, please is a sure way
of highlighting your foreign status. Far better to say 'un
cappuccino' or 'un cappuccino, grazie'. And you only need to say
'grazie' the once. If you're British you need to delete your heritage at least
temporarily and learn to limit the amount of times you say 'please' and 'thank
you'.
In
a business interview,
it is important to come across as sociable and trustworthy. So throw those arms
in the air, make lots of eye contact and smile. Then, while the Italians are
beginning to trust you, subtley show off your
knowledge.
In
the southern
Italians
love having foreign friends because it ups their 'cool' status. But as a Brit or American
you cannot possibly be expected to know how to dress or what to wear. Italian
friends will, of course, think that they themselves are immaculate and that you
should copy them. The fact that you might hate their style is irrelevant.
Friends will then touch your hair and touch your clothes and then forget that
you are even there as they discuss what 'lei' (she) should be doing with her
hair and which hairdresser she should use - I love my Italian friends to bits
but can you tell this last point bugs me big time?
You
can learn a lot from the Italians' mentality. Yes, they may be rather late
for a lot of things but I no longer knock it. It can be stressful seeing
them flit about and juggle appointments but spend some time observing them over
the course of a week and you'll see that they still fit everything in. And
besides, that's the flip side of the wonderful laidback lifestyle.
Never
ever invite a big group of Italians out for your birthday as you'll end up paying.
And if you have a party at your house, be prepared to pay for everything. It's
rare for an Italian to turn up at a party bearing gifts of food and drink.
In
meetings, you should always present your business card at the beginning
rather than the end. Hold it in both hands and present
it personally to the person you are giving it to. Keep it in your hand for
several seconds to allow the receiver time to take in all your details.
Italian
weddings are very very expensive. You're normally expected
to give at least Eur100 in cash regardless of how well you know the bride and
groom. And beware if you're asked to be a testimone
(witness). That's a big-time honour. The bride or groom don't buy you a gift to thank you for doing the deed.
Instead, you buy them a nice expensive present to thank them for asking you to
do it.
Italians
are wary of email.
If you need an urgent reply than phone or text. Both
will solicit an immediate response whereas you may not get a reply to email for
several days.
Working
from home is not common in Italy and Italians, by and large, don't get it. The 'bella figura' is oh-so-important
in Italy so what could be more bella than showing off
how rich and successful you are than having a swish city-centre office
regardless of whether or not you actually need it?
Italians
love their ponti (bridges) as do expats
who live in
Italians
will tell you something with absolute conviction. So
much so that you believe them every single time. All told, I've been in
If
Italians have something important to tell you, it will be done
face-to-face. Never bring up the subject of money on the phone or in email. It
is always always discussed face-to-face and always at
the very end of the conversation. You will meet in a bar, have aperitivi and proceed to small talk for at least 20-25
minutes. At the very very end of the conversation as
you are about to pay the bill and walk out, money is mentioned. I'm not sure
why. I mean, you know you are there to talk about money as does the other
person, so why not save time and mention it straight away?
You
can't go out with friends for dinner and sit and listen to the conversation. They will be worried
that you are on your deathbed or that something is seriously the matter with
you. Periodically wave your hands about and add some comments to reassure them.
Italians
are hypochondriacs and are experts on every single health problem going. Keep a thermometer handy
because whenever you feel a bit under par, you will be asked what your
temperature is. Sticking a hand on your forehead will not do. Ever. You must also have your heart monitored before you
join a gym or a swimming pool and check that you are fit enough. This applies
even if you intend to do only a few leisurely lengths and not hurtle
Olympic-style down the length of the pool.
Italians
are also colour experts. You've probably never
seen a Dulux colour chart
in
It
is illegal to drive outside of built-up areas without your car headlights on. Even on a bright summer's
day in
You
can never book a hotel months in advance. Italians like to keep
their options open so they aren't too fond of letting you book if there could
be a more attractive offer around the corner. Last-minute is always best.
Italians
travel in convoy.
It takes forever to get anywhere. If a group of friends are going out for the
day, you must all meet at one person's house. Everyone must get out of the car,
shake hands or kiss each other. You then pile back in the car
and ensure that the cars are travelling together.
Periodically - and at least every hour - you will all pull into a layby for no other reason than to check that everyone is
okay. This, of course, could be done by phone but it isn't. Once you have
ensured that everyone is fine, no one is sick, no one is lost and everyone is
happy, you will go on your way. You'll arrive at your destination just before
it's time to make the return journey home.
You
must wear plastic gloves for touching fruit and vegetables. I'm not sure why
Italians go along with this one because they wash the fruit when they get home
anyway. I do, too, for that matter. What I don't do - unlike my beloved Italian
friends - is get out some fruit washing solution and soak the fruit and veg for 10 minutes. I'm not sure they approve of me merely
rinsing it under the cold tap. In fact, that's probably why they turn down my
offer of fruit after lunch.
Italian
children aren't fussy when it comes to food. They eat everything. Those horrible tins
of mushed up food seem to bypass the mouths of
Italian babes. Instead they are fed pasta, soup, icecream
and tiny bits of fish and meat. And they don't eat before their parents. If
dinner is at 9pm, the children eat at 9pm, too.
Walking
around barefoot in the house is frowned upon. Your feet will get dirty and you will
make the bed dirty. I've lost count of the number of times my feet have been
inspected by various boyfriends over the years. Likewise, you should never
pack/unpack your suitcase on the bed. The wheels of the suitcase have been on
the floor and you will transfer the dirt to where you sleep.
Italians
think nothing of discussing their toilet habits with strangers. Hemmoroids,
by default, are also popular in small talk. And what do you know? Accountants
who didn't know each other even managed to discuss them over cocktails
yesterday evening. I tried to keep a straight face. I really did.
Italians
shun conventional wisdom that it is better to cover up in the sun. They believe you are ill
if you are pale and rather nicely describe you as bianco
come una mozzarella (as white as mozzarella) or palido come un cadavere (as pale
as a corpse). After all this time in Italy, I now get my cheeks pinched
whenever people see me in the summer as they say compliment me for no longer
resembling mozzarella or dead people. I'm not sure when the transformation
happened as I wear sunscreen all year around and factor 60 from april through to November.
Italian
girls take a little bag to the beach with all of their sun creams and oils in. Me and you obviously
only use one or two spf
factors but not Italian beauties. You need a low one for your legs because they
tan slowly, a higher one for your feet because walking about in flip flops
means the sun is always on them, a not-to-high one for your face, and a lowish one for your arms, and a very very
low one (SPF 1, 2 or 5) for your abs which are hardly ever exposed. This
ensures an even tan all over. But that's not the end of it. Oh no. Next up is
the oil for the hair and the freshwater spray for the legs to boost circulation
while frying in the sun.
Italian
mammas and babbos don't like their wee ones to get
sandy feet
once they've got dressed to go home. So said child will be hoisted up by the
arms, carried down to the beach and be made to dip their feet in the sea until
all sand has gone. Then, they will be carried back to the towel to dry off and
put their shoes on to walk back to the car. My sandy barefoot walk back home
doesn't pass muster.
Italians
don't do light lunches at the beach. It's not uncommon to see families under their
gazebos as they get out their pasta salad, prosciutto,
mozzarrella and tomato salad and fruit and then round
it all off with an espresso that they heat up on their little camper stove.
Gosh! No wonder Italians can't go in the sea for three hours
after eating.
It's
considered 'brutta figura'
to open your door in your pjs after 9am - even to your own
family. Heavens! What would they say if they saw me working in my pjs sans make up during the day?
Italians
can never ever make firm social arrangements. It could be a party or a day out at the
beach but you won't know who will be there until the event is in full swing. As the popular detto (saying) goes: Chi c'è, c'è. Chi non c'è, non c'è.
Who is there is there. Who isn't there, isn't there. Painfully
obvious but oh-so-true.
Families
often employ a 'badante' to look after their widowed
or divorced dad.
This is not because he is in ill health and unable to look after himself. It's
simply because he doesn't know how. Even Mario's mum can't spend a day away
from the house because his dad wouldn't know how to prepare his own lunch.
Luckily for me, Mario doesn't take after him.
Italians
seem to have been born with a gene for rustling up large gourmet meals at a
moment's notice.
I still have no idea how they can find all the ingredients in their cupboard.
But they do.
Italian
children share bedrooms right up into their twenties. One of my friends who is 31 still shares a bedroom with her 28-year-old sister.
Their narrow twin beds are a mere 50cm apart and in the same position as they
were all those years ago. So much for personal space.
The
ANNOTICO Reports Can be Viewed (and are Archived) on:
Italia
Italia
Mia: http://www.ItaliaMia.com (3 years)
Annotico Email: annotico@earthlink.net