This Australian critic, Lorelei Vashti, describes scum in such a hyperbolic and poetic manner that she makes Vomit look good.

Is This the Worst TV Show Ever? 
The Sydney Morning Herald; Lorelei Vashti; April 29, 2010 

MTV's Jersey Shore 
'Detestable'...The cast of MTV reality series Jersey Shore.

JERSEY Shore  (Tuesdays, 9.30pm on MTV) is the most life-changing show on television. Everyone should watch it. It will work a miracle on your soul. Inspire you to be a better person. Make you appreciate your life. Encourage you to cherish things youíve always overlooked. 

Jersey Shore  accomplishes this impressive feat  by being so unspeakably bad it makes everything that isnít Jersey Shore look wonderful, like green pastures filled with gangly newborn lambs and gurgling brooks and sunshine.

Iím serious. This show makes vomit look good. It makes Twi-mums look good. It makes the music of Justin Bieber sound good. It even makes Charlie Sheen look good. In fact, if my life after Jersey Shore consists solely of a horde of Twi-mums singing barbershop quartet renditions of Justin Bieber songs while Charlie Sheen vomits all over me, I will be genuinely delighted. Rapt. Relieved. 

I will never take anything for granted again.

Where to start? Jersey Shore is really just another reality TV show where we are forced to hang out with outgoing twentysomethings while they get drunk and try to have sex with each other. But thereís one supposedly crucial difference ó the outgoing twentysomethings in this case are Italian-Americans, or Guidos and Guidettes, as they call themselves. Weíre supposed to have a sort of anthropological curiosity about them, hence all the focus on Guido grooming rituals, including massive amounts of time spent in tanning salons, hairdressers and at gyms.

The housemates are both the best and worst thing about the show. There is Nicole ëëSnookiíí, whose beautiful, naturally olive skin tone has been artificially ramped up to the kalamata end of the spectrum. Mike, whose ripped abs are so significant they have a name of their own: ëëthe situationíí. Sammi and Ronnie, who hooked up almost immediately, presumably in order to have someone to cheat on later in the series. Jenni ëëJWowwíí, who displays both the most brains and the most boobs of the show. Pauly D and Vinny bring us to seven. And there used to be the abhorrent Angelina, who has already been banished from the house for refusing to go to work but I suspect weíll see her again later on in the series if only we can make it that far.

They all look the same at first so itís helpful that their names are flashed up on screen regularly. As it turns out, this is the only thoughtful and considerate favour the producers are willing to do for us. The rest of the series has been  designed deliberately to crush our spirits by way of the competitive trashbaggery of its stars and the stubborn refusal of its plot to go anywhere.

The housemates narrate the program in the now-familiar reality TV style where youíre meant to believe they are omnipresent. The boys are pumped with protein shakes and adrenalin and the girls seethe at each contrived new drama with what can only be described as hysterical poutrage.

My confusing confession is this: I really liked these people at first. Theyíre crazy and eccentric and if you can hear any actual dialogue through all the bleeps, they occasionally come out with something brilliant. Snooki in particular melted my heart early on in the series, when she implored the housemates to get along by saying: ëëCímon! Weíre all frickiní family!íí (Snooki, I believe, is getting her own spin-off series.) 

But the show is frustrating because if anyone starts to exhibit more than one dimension of their personality, they immediately feel compelled to start behaving like a knob again as penance. So then someone will start a bar fight, or call a group of girls ëëugly bitchesíí, or come out with something particularly atrocious, such as Angelina, who said: ëëIf a girlís a slut, she should be abused.íí Itís unfortunate but  true: on Jersey Shore, the hot tub is the only thing with  any real depth.

If the series was at least  constructed shoddily it would be so much more enjoyable. After all, thereís nothing more hilarious than watching a badly made TV show. But thatís exactly whatís so troubling. The production is rock-solid. MTV knows what itís doing. The show is cut in the pattern of one of JWowwís ridiculous tops that she designed herself ó it may appear flimsy and riddled with holes but itís so carefully manufactured that it will never, no matter how long you watch, actually reveal anything.
So on the series goes, with each episode whirling aimlessly round and round, like the Jersey Shore ferris wheel we frequently cut to: see how high you feel now and how  youíve been positioned  so youíre  looking down on them. Thatís what makes Jersey Shore so detestable. Sad to say, itís probably also what makes the series successful.

lvashti@fairfaxmedia.com.au

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/
is-this-the-worst-tv-show-ever-20100428-ts01.html
 

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